New Year! So What?
Am I the only one harboring an outwardly pessimistic perspective on the dawn of a new year? Am I alone in being fed up with the herd of "new year new me" jackasses who are gearing up for yet another 365 days of the same old parade of bullshit? I know it's an unpopular notion to let your blind optimism take a backseat to the reality of things but what if I told you that January 1st doesn't arrive with a magical reset button that miraculously makes you thinner, richer or seemingly more interesting to your flock of diluted followers on social media?
Before I go any further on this exuberantly insipid tangent, allow me to defend or explain my lack of enthusiasm towards 2018. What with this absurdly frigid weather and the general malaise associated with the winter months, I do hope that I am allowed this tone of overall unimpressed disgust. I'll be turning 30 this year and with age comes an overwhelming sense of wondering where did the time go. I often find myself questioning my use of this fragile existence in a time where nothing is sacred -And if at the end of my days, I find I have done nothing with my life, that is solely on me and no one else. Yet it is becoming increasingly difficult to muster up the wherewithal to forge some sort of enthusiasm towards an array of agendas that seldom bear my best interest in mind.
With my best foot forward and my antidepressants working overtime, I make it a point to do the most I can with what I have regardless of where my efforts fall in the span of a year. With every revolution around the sun, you come across those who talk a good game of change yet call for a timeout before the budding of May flowers. We expect so much of ourselves while forcing a newness we may not even be ready for. It might take a lifetime to put into action a years worth of lessons so why even bother with a new years resolution in the first place? I understand setting goals and seeing where you are in a years time but not every pivotal moment needs an announcement. Not only are you left looking a fool if you don't follow through but the added pressure is just unnecessary.
Happiness and success generally occurs without the persistence of a rigid timeframe. Sometimes the greatest turn of events comes without warning. If you wan't something bad enough, you'll go for it but saying so doesn't exactly make it so. If you've been fucking with fuckpeople all your life don't expect your public Facebook announcement to be the resolve of a lifetimes worth of bad choices. If you want to cut someone off what better way to do so than to do so silently and with purpose. If your body was a mess in August, don't bombard Planet Fitness in January only to abandon your six pack dreams before Valentines Day. Shape shift with purpose and do so in a manner that speaks to your lifestyle and not your unrealistic plans to look like Beyonce before your birthday (or whatever.)
I wrote this because unfortunately I brought in the new year with no new goals and I had to tell myself that that was okay. I had to talk myself down off of a ledge of flawed one-upmanship and find peace in the continuation of my various processes. In the past 365 days (and counting) I have managed to dodge most thoughts of suicide and all associated notions of giving up on myself completely. There is no full-time gig more difficult or more rewarding but unfortunately we dont get employee of the month for simply staying alive. I welcome this new year in a humble state of hopefulness, expecting very little but remaining receptive to reasonable change and blessed growth. I somehow manage to stay ready so I dont have to get ready if and when my ship comes in. But until then, I'm here and I am grateful for what is.
So yeah… Happy new year folks!